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To the men of the world
The Power of Expression
I have been thinking long and hard lately about what makes people love one another. I've talked to some random people about this topic, and people are saying the same thing over and over:
TELL THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM.
Women differ from men in that above all, they appreciate the "grand gesture."
What that means is not that the man has to leap tall buildings in a single bound or give expensive jewelry or cook dinner for them every night or do all those other things that seem so scary and demanding. Rather, the grandest gesture of all is accomplished by just TALKING to women.
One of the keys to true intimacy is to take a personal risk by baring numerous doubts, inconsistencies and vulnerable feelings…yes, even (and especially) those which have to do with the person you are trying to relate to.
Most sensitive women find a man who does that irresistible, romantic, lovable, and sensitive. When that woman comes along who makes a man want to say those things, then they are both learning the real truths of life. Of course, like for all of us, that doesn't always work out...but it MUST be attempted time and time again. It's the only way to love.
Women want words. And women who are mentally healthy yet who pretend they don't want intimate words are usually just waiting for the other person to instigate the talking. We get really freaking tired of being the ones to always swallow our own pride and make intimacy happen. Even in our friendships with other women.
I have known many men in my life, and one thing I've noticed is that the happiest ones are the ones who have learned the smallest trick of relationships: not only observing, but also TELLING those women closest to them several special things. Whether it's a mother, a sister, a best friend, a lover, or a wife, the following are always welcomed.
1) "You look/smell/feel, (etc)… nice/beautiful/sweet/good, etc..."
2)"I was thinking today about why I care about you, and this is why: ___"
3) "You're so good at _____."
4) "I admire you because _____."
And so on. Mix, match, invent...go crazy.
There is not a person alive (at least who isn't pretty screwed up, self esteem-wise ) who could find those words anything but bolstering. I say those things to my girlfriends all the time, and they give it back to me. That's why we are close friends.
VERY IMPORTANT: Men who feel they "don't have to say it" because we "should just know it" are, frankly, dead wrong. They DO have to say it. And they have to say it A LOT. No matter how long you know one another.
Women very naturally make a habit of nurturing and complimenting, whereas for men it's a bit harder. The ones I know that do this regularly (weekly/daily regularly, I mean) are loved in spades because they have learned these small relationship tricks. And the most beautiful thing is, every time I see one of them start the habit, it becomes tangibly visible when they find out how good compliments make both persons feel. It becomes second nature, and that's when true happiness sets in for everyone involved. It makes my heart sing to see that magic happen for other people.
Even the best men with the best hearts in the world aren't going to get the love they deserve if they never take a chance, swallow that stupid feeling, and just say what they feel to the people they love.